


Burning Brighter Than the Sun (and when you’re close I feel like coming undone)

by Camrenismylife



Category: Euphoria (TV 2019)
Genre: F/F, FUCK NATE JACOBS, Mentions of Unhealthy/Abusive Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:28:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26915878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Camrenismylife/pseuds/Camrenismylife
Summary: Maddy and Cassie out of context.OrA bunch of moments leading up to Cassie and Maddy’s catastrophically beautiful relationship.
Relationships: Cassie Howard/Maddy Perez
Comments: 13
Kudos: 64





	1. Your Lips Burn My Skin

Cassie didn’t know how she ended up standing _this_ close to Maddy in her bedroom, on a Friday night. 

They should be out, partying like normal teenage girls their age— but instead, they’re in Cassie’s bedroom standing centimeters away from each other. The blonde’s heart was beating faster than that time she had done Adderall.

Although this predicament was sort of Cassie’s fault (she was the one who had suggested a sleepover), she hadn’t expected herself to ever be standing this close to Maddy, at least not while they were both sober.

Cassie let out a shaky breath, as she stood inches away from the undeniably beautiful Latina. Her hands trailed up to the dark haired woman’s neck, her fingertips barely grazing over the choke marks Nate Jacobs had left on her best friend. The thought alone made Cassie’s blood scorch, along with an apprehensive feeling to run through her bones.

Maddy flinched at the touch, ever so slightly that if Cassie hadn’t been paying attention, she wouldn’t have even noticed. She figured, most people who are with Maddy,  _ don’t _ notice. But Cassie does.

Cassie can see every bruise on Maddy’s skin, every ounce of pain in her eyes, and the hatred in Nate’s. The blonde can’t understand why someone as perfect as Maddy Perez, could ever let someone so... _vile_ have this much control over her. But beneath all of the rage Cassie felt for Nate Jacobs, there was a dirty little feeling of jealousy in the pit of her stomach.

The kind of feeling that made her want to kill Nate Jacobs, but also kiss Maddy Perez, and it was all a very complicated feeling.

“Does it hurt?” The blonde finally speaks, in a tone so soft, Maddy was only ever used to receiving from Cassie. She didn’t understand why Cassie was always here. She even ditched McKay half of the time to console Maddy. The Latina swallowed thickly, her skin burned with every lingering touch. She nods, because it  _ does _ hurt. It hurts every time she turns her head— and every time she puts makeup on to cover the bruises. Even now, as Cassie was touching her with the softest feel Maddy’s ever experienced, it hurts.

Cassie traces one of her hands up to Maddy’s cheek, cupping it gently, before leaning in and placing a gentle kiss on Maddy’s other cheek. It was so soft, and gentle it was inscrutable to the dark haired woman how someone could be so... tender. Nobody had ever treated her with such gentle and kindness, not like Cassie did. Sometimes, Maddy even thought she didn’t deserve all of her best friends attention. She tried not calling every time her and Nate fought. Sometimes she tried calling other friends— she tried to give Cassie an opportunity to have a normal relationship with Chris. One where she didn’t have to worry about Maddy all of the time.

But for the last week, and every night since the carnival, Maddy couldn’t stop herself. She needed Cassie. She needs, soft, tender, Cassie because she doesn’t want anything else right now. Everything else seemed extremely terrifying and risky, but if there was one thing Maddy trusted, it was  _ her _ . Indulgent green eyes, soft, smooth skin, and that faded Victoria Secret smell she could only associate with Cassie.

Cassie had stayed with her; the entire week she was glued to Maddy’s side. Even when the dark haired woman refused to speak. The marks were the first thing Cassie saw. The second thing was red— because Cassie wanted to hurt Nate Jacobs, unlike she had ever hurt anybody before. In that moment, she forgot Nate Jacobs is a 6 foot, terrifying, monster, who would probably take Cassie out with a single slap.

After the charges were pressed, Cassie still stayed, even when the dark haired girl defended Nate. The blonde didn’t understand how Maddy could do that, but she didn’t judge Maddy for it— she knew as well as anyone, people do crazy things to be loved. Even standing aside and letting the girl you love lose herself to a toxic relationship— because Cassie knows she’s always going to be here for Maddy. No matter how many times she chooses Nate Jacobs, and puts Cassie to the side.

Cassie stays. 

She stays, and she pulls away ever so slightly, so they were now making eye contact. Light green eyes meeting dark brown ones, and in that second Maddy swore she caught a glimpse of yearning. Cassie’s eyes trailed down, all the way to her best friends bruised neck. The blonde’s jaw clenched tightly, and Maddy noticed, but she said nothing. 

Cassie glanced up at Maddy for a split second, before bending down slightly. Cassie’s lips grazed over a dark, reddish bruise that was slowly turning purple. It was the same spot Nate’s thumb pressed against until Maddy couldn’t breathe. The blonde paused, waiting for the dark haired girl to push her away. She didn’t. Although Cassie couldn’t see the glimpse of fear in those brown eyes, she could feel as Maddy’s breath got caught in her throat and her body tensed up. Maddy found she couldn’t breathe all over again. 

“It’s okay.” Cassie murmurs gently, against Maddy’s skin. Cassie’s lips left a tingling sensation on the Latina’s skin. Maddy stared up at the ceiling intensely. Cassie moved her hands behind Maddy’s back, holding the taller girl as close as possible against her lips. Maddy nearly melted into the touch. Cassie began kissing Maddy’s neck, placing gentle, soft kisses on every inch of broken skin.

There was nothing sexual about it. Although Maddy couldn’t figure out why her breath hitched, and her back arched as soon as Cassie’s lips came into contact with her collarbone. She bit down on her bottom lip, hard, before hesitantly wrapping her arms around Cassie, as if she were silently begging for more.  _ More affection . _

Cassie was more than happy to give it to her. She kissed Maddy as softly as she possibly could, being extremely careful not to hurt the delicate girl in her arms. Carefully, Cassie turned Maddy around, and led her to her bed. Maddy’s thoughts began to run wild. Was Cassie really doing this? Was  she really doing this?  _Fuck— her lips felt so good._

Why was that all Maddy could think of? In two point three seconds she was almost positive Cassie was going to be kissing somewhere else, and all Maddy could think was “ _ her lips feel so good _ ”. Cassie pulls away, and Maddy could still feel the ghost of the burning sensation Cassie’s soft, warm lips left against her bruised skin. The blonde led Maddy onto the bed, and the dark haired woman obeyed every silent command. In this very moment, Maddy was positive she would do _anything_ Cassandra Howard asked her to do.

“Lay down.” Cassie whispered. Maddy didn’t need to be told twice. She crawled over towards her pillows. She glanced over at the blonde once, before she positioned herself to lay on her back, staring at the ceiling fan above her. Cassie made her way next to her best friend, laying down beside the dark haired woman. Cassie reached for her, pulling the Latina in as she wrapped her arms around Maddy.

Maddy furrowed her eyebrows as Cassie held her tightly against her, burying the Latina’s head into the crook of her neck. Maddy got a whiff of Victoria secret perfume mixed with the exquisite smell of Cassie. She quickly realized they were cuddling. Maddy didn’t know if that made her feel better or disappointed. She was sure that Cassie wanted to—

Cassie placed a gentle kiss on top of Maddy’s head, and Maddy’s thoughts stopped as she pulled away from the crook of Cassie’s neck. She examined the blonde’s unrecognizable expression; Maddy was positive she herself was looking more confused and pathetic than ever. She contemplated asking Cassie for another kiss, but that was  _ too much.  _ She knew that was too much. 

Then it happened. Just like that Cassie’s soft lips were on Maddy’s neck, just as gentle as before.

Maddy let out a ragged breath. It was broken, but at least she could breathe. 

Cassie didn’t cross any lines that night. She didn’t try to slip her fingers inside Maddy’s pants, or comment on the undoubtedly arousing sounds Maddy was making, she didn’t even try to kiss Maddy’s lips. She just kissed her bruises, and held Maddy close as she did so. Maddy found herself running her fingers through Cassie’s soft, blonde hair. She ignored the burning in the pit of her stomach, as her fingernails scraped along Cassie’s scalp, encouraging the light kisses. 

Maddy almost wanted to whisper how good it felt, almost. Again, that would be  _ too much. _


	2. You Make Me Feel Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW (Trigger warning); mentions of abortion. 
> 
> (Ps. I am a firm believer women can do whatever the hell they want with THEIR bodies. Abortion is NOT wrong in my eyes, and if it is in yours, I don’t need your close minded ass commenting about it on my shit.)

The next few days were normal. Maddy continued her secret meetings with Nate, but something was off. She didn’t know if it was him, or her, or a certain burning sensation that she couldn’t get out of her mind as he touched her and all she felt was cold. She couldn’t stop thinking about the soft, burning kisses she could still practically feel on her neck. The bruises were fading, and there was a shameful voice in her head encouraging her to push Nate over the edge.

She found herself craving solace from a certain blonde cheerleader.

A week had went by, and Maddy and Cassie pretended as if nothing had happened.  Maybe it didn’t. Maddy figured, she was just pinning over something that wasn’t even a big deal. 

Although, a part of her knew that wasn’t true. If it wasn’t a big deal, it wouldn’t be so hard to ask Cassie to do it again. But she wouldn’t dare ask Cassie to do that again. Maddy tried asking Nate to do so— to recreate the light kisses on her neck. But it didn’t work. It had led to sex that Maddy found herself hating. 

She hadn’t been alone with Cassie since that night, and she wasn’t avoiding the blonde, so maybe it was Cassie who was avoiding her. Maddy has replayed that night in her head over and over, back tracking every conversation, every touch, every kiss. 

Maddy grew suspicious when Cassie didn’t come to school the following Friday. She had texted the blonde on Thursday morning before the prom, but Cassie never showed for school or the prom, and she never texted Maddy back either. In fact, she didn’t respond to Maddy at all. 

If Cassie was anyone else, Maddy wouldn’t have cared, but she couldn’t stop herself from double texting— even triple texting to make sure Cassie was alright. 

Three days into being ignored Maddy’s texts stop delivering. 

Cassie’s phone was off, which was extremely rare. Cassie never turned her phone off. Maddy’s anxiety suddenly increased, and she couldn’t shake the apprehensive feeling of something happening to the blonde. Which is exactly how the dark haired girl ended up in front of the Howard residence the Saturday after prom. 

For the first time in her life, Maddy was nervous. What if Cassie just didn’t want to see her? What if the blonde was purposely ignoring her? 

Maddy rang the doorbell reluctantly, as she waited. After a few seconds, nobody answered, but Maddy didn’t leave. She stood there, waiting patiently. 

The door swung open, and there she was. Messy hair, red teary eyes, and an oversized sweatshirt. Cassie broke down at the sight of her best friend, as she leaned in and hugged Maddy. Maddy didn’t understand why Cassie was crying, and she swore on God himself that if Chris McKay had made Cassie cry like this she would castrate him. 

Cassie sniffled, and sobbed into Maddy, and the taller girl instinctively wraps her arms around the blonde, hugging her back tightly. Maddy was absolutely terrible at these things. She had never been good at comforting people. She thought back to last week, when Cassie had made her feel better. 

Maddy ran her fingertips along Cassie’s back, “It’s okay. I’m here.” The dark haired woman said, in the softest tone she’s ever used. A tone now / unknowingly / solely reserved for the blonde in her arms. Cassie sobbed even more. “I’m— I’m so-so s-stupid.” The shorter woman choked out, and Maddy shook her head quickly as she pulled away, keeping her hands on both of Cassie’s shoulders. “You are  not stupid.” Maddy said in a stern, yet sincere tone. “What happened?” She asked, visibly concerned. 

Cassie stared at her with a pained expression, and Maddy always hated seeing the normally optimistic girl, look so sad.  _ Sadness doesn’t suit her _ _,_ Maddy thinks as she stares at the doleful, nevertheless beautiful blonde. “Something h-happened— you can’t tell a-anybody, not even McKay that I told you.” Cassie practically croaks out. Maddy’s entire expression went cold. “What did that loser do this time? I swear to God, Cas if he—“ Maddy couldn’t even finish her sentence before the shorter girl was shaking her head vigorously, “No it’s nothing like that I–“ Cassie paused in the middle of her sentence. 

She hadn’t even said it out loud yet. 

Cassie didn’t know if she even _wanted_ to say it out loud. 

_ What would Maddy think?  _

_ Is Maddy religious?  _

_ Does Maddy have an opinion on abortions? _

_ Holy shit why don’t I know these things? _

  
Cassie begins to overthink everything, and Maddy must’ve sensed it because she gently squeezes one of her shoulders in a bit of reassurance. She studies the dark haired woman’s face expression for a moment, and all Cassie can see is genuine concern.

“I had an abortion on Thursday.” Cassie said in a frail tone, and Maddy’s entire face changed. “You— you what?” Maddy asked, as she let go of the blonde. Cassie looked hurt as Maddy pulled away, “I found out I was pregnant earlier this week. When I told McKay he— he freaked and he—“ Cassie tried, but Maddy cut her off. “Was he there?” The dark haired woman asked, causing the blonde to furrow her eyebrows. “H-Huh?” She asked, obviously not following the question.

“Was McKay there for you on Thursday night?” Maddy repeated the question she already knew the answer to. Cassie’s face fell, “No.” She admitted, in a tone barely above a whisper.  _ Then why didn’t you call me? _ Maddy’s entire expression practically screamed something else as she said, “I’m going to fucking kill McKay.”

Maddy turned around, preparing to walk away.

A faint grip on her wrist stopped her, causing Maddy to stop in her tracks, “Please don’t leave yet.” Cassie practically begged, and the tone was so familiar it hurt. She never wanted Cassie to ask for something as basic as comfort, “I’m going to get something from my car. I’m coming right back.” Maddy promised, and Cassie nodded as she let go of her best friend.

Cassie watched as Maddy went into the passenger side of her car, and grabbed a bag. Maddy flashed the blonde a small, mischievous smile as she made her way back up to Cassie’s porch.

“I figured you were having a bad day— or week— so I stopped by the gas station on my way here, and grabbed you a few things.” Maddy said simply, as she walked passed the blonde, into the Howard household. It sounded quiet. Maddy figured no one was home, because she hadn’t seen Cassie’s moms car in the driveway, and Lexi’s bike was gone. 

Maddy couldn’t help but feel extremely worried about the blonde. She could see how upset Cassie was; Maddy’s never seen her this upset. 

Meanwhile Cassie’s emotions were on overdrive— they had been since the abortion, and she didn’t understand why.

Maybe she was barely allowing herself to feel emotions like this at all. Her emotions were always so black and white. Happy, sad, mad. Throw in occasionally horny to the mix, and that was all Cassie was. Well, that was all she had thought she was, at least.

Now she knew there was more to herself than that; a part of herself she hid from everyone. Even herself.

“You brought me something?” Cassie asked uncertainly, as she shut the door behind her. “Did you think I’d show up empty handed? To a girls night?” Maddy asked teasingly. Cassie giggled through her tears, “Girls night? But none of the other girls are here.” Cassie pointed out. Maddy shrugged, “I like it better when it’s just me and you.” She admitted, and the confession shouldn’t have made the blonde’s heart speed up ten times faster than usual, but it did.

“Plus we don’t have to share all of our snacks.” Maddy added, as she led Cassie over to her own couch. She was so familiar with Cassie’s house, she didn’t even need to wait for the blonde to entertain her, which Cassie was extremely thankful for. (She really didn’t have the energy to entertain anyone.) Cassie giggled softly, as she watched Maddy toss the bag of various snacks onto the couch.

“We’re totally binge watching Narcos!” Maddy exclaimed as she turned on the tv. She looked over at Cassie who was sitting on the couch, staring at her with eyes of pure admiration. Maddy’s expression faltered, “Or we can watch Someone Great...” Maddy mumbled, and she pretended not to notice the way Cassie’s eyes lit up at the movie title.

“We can watch whatever you want, Mads.” The blonde said with a sweet smile on her face. Maddy sighed because it was suddenly impossible to do anything Cassie didn’t want. She held in the urge to grumble as she typed “Someone Great” into the search bar on Netflix.

Cassie felt a small smile tug at her lips as she realized Maddy had chosen the movie she wanted to watch. The blonde was all too aware of the dark haired girls hatred towards most romantic comedy’s, and Maddy rarely ever let anyone else pick the movie if she had a say in it. Cassie didn’t say anything, she didn’t need to. And the way Maddy stared at her and flashed her that signature smirk, Cassie knew was her way of saying, “ I’m only doing this for you.”

“The chocolate covered pretzels are mine.” Maddy warned, as she took a seat on the other side of the couch. “You didn’t get me any chocolate covered pretzels?” Cassie asked, in a way a child would. Maddy rolled her eyes as she reached into the bag, she pulled out two miniature bags of vanilla yogurt covered pretzels. “No, I got you vanilla.” The Latina responded, as she tossed the bags at Cassie. They astonishingly both landed in her lap.

Cassie giggled, as she raised an eyebrow expectantly. Maddy rolled her eyes as she reached into the bag and pulled out a pack of starburst— solely the pink ones— and a bag of cotton candy. Cassie’s eyes lit up as a variety of her favorite sweets were displayed in front of her. “Thank y—“

“I also got you a water, because I’m not going to let you ruin your body with soda.” Maddy said, a bit sassily and Cassie giggled again, as she reached for the water bottle. “Thank you.” Cassie said, smiling softly at her best friend. Something in the blonde’s eyes glimmered, and it caused Maddy to pause for a minute. Maddy’s throat went dry, and she swallowed densely.

She cleared her throat, regaining her confidence as she flashed Cassie a quick smile and a “No problem”, before turning her attention to the flatscreen tv. Cassie kept her eyes on Maddy for a moment, she was acting different. Nicer than usual. Of course she was always nice to Cassie, but today she was being different.  Maybe it‘s the situation,  Cassie thinks, or the way Maddy was sitting a whole cushion away.

“Did you win prom queen?” Cassie asks, snapping Maddy out of her thoughts. She turned her head to look at the blonde once again, “Yeah. Broke up with Nate right afterwards.” Maddy admitted, making Cassie raise an eyebrow as she giggled. “You broke up with Nate?” She asked, a bit uncertainly. Maddy nodded, “I don’t like the way he makes me feel anymore.” She revealed, making Cassie pause.

  
That was an oddly mature reason.

Usually Maddy broke up with Nate for ignoring her, or flirting with another girl. Something childish along those lines. And she always seemed more upset than this. This time, Maddy seemed oddly content. 

“Huh. Good for you. He sucked.” Cassie said, smiling proudly at the dark haired girl. Maddy smiled at Cassie— a genuine smile, and Cassie can’t remember the last time she’s seen Maddy smile like that. Cassie inched closer to Maddy, scooting next to her. Maddy’s body tensed up as the blonde rested her head on Maddy’s chest, and wrapped an arm around the Latina’s abdomen while she draped one of her legs over both of Maddy’s thighs.

There was that wonderful smell again. That scent only Cassie can seem to muster up.  She smells so good. It’s had only been four days, and Maddy had missed Cassie so much. The dark haired girls heart began to race in her chest, and she tried to stop focusing on the way Cassie snuggled into her. Maddy’s never been the type to get nervous around anyone, let alone her best friend. She couldn’t figure out why she was suddenly so shy around Cassie.

Maddy wanted to sigh, but instead she let out a quiet breath, as she put her hand on Cassie’s back. Cassie pretended it didn’t send a jolt of electricity down her spine as Maddy touched her.

Maddy tried to pay attention to the movie. She really did. But she couldn’t stop thinking about how good Cassie smelled, and how cute she looked in her arms. The way Cassie laughed every time a funny scene came on was distracting as well. By the time the movie was halfway over, Maddy was slightly paying attention, but nearly dozing off.

“You’re so much prettier than Gina Rodriguez. You should’ve been casted for this.” Cassie admitted in a taunting tone. Maddy chuckled, waking up slightly, “I’d never star in something as stupid as this.” The dark haired girl admitted, and Cassie giggled. Again, very distracting for Maddy.

“It doesn’t appeal to you, even a little bit?” Cassie asks, and the question makes Maddy furrow her eyebrows slightly. “What? Acting?” Maddy queries, a bit confused. “No, a love like that.” Cassie says, clearly talking about to two main characters in the movie. Maddy looks down at Cassie, and raises an eyebrow at the blonde, who was equivalent to a Koala in the position she was currently in.

“A love like what?” Maddy asked curiously, still not fully catching on. “Epic— exciting like theirs.” Cassie clarified. Maddy went quiet for awhile, not because she didn’t want to answer, but because she didn’t really know how. Cassie took Maddy’s silence the wrong way, and lifted her head up slightly, looking up at the Latina.

“Hey, sorry, I didn’t mean to ask—“ Cassie tried, but Maddy shook her head quickly. “It’s not that. I’m not triggered or anything.” Maddy half joked, but Cassie doesn’t laugh. She only stares up at Maddy with those beautiful big green eyes.

“I– I‘m not sure if I want an  _ epic _ love. I think– I think after everything, I just want a genuine one. One that’s warm, and...” Maddy trailed off, getting lost in the blonde’s eyes. _Have Cassandra Howard’s eyes always been_ _ this  _ _green?_ “And someone who’s not batshit crazy?” Cassie finished suggestively, in a delicately teasing tone, obviously trying to lighten up the conversation.

Maddy let herself genuinely laugh for the first time in weeks, and she tried to ignore the fact that her heart was swelling in her chest as the blonde smiled at her. “Exactly.” Maddy said, a bit breathlessly. She didn’t even remember the question. “You deserve a guy who’s sexy and whipped.” Cassie said seriously, and Maddy rolled her eyes, “I don’t even wanna think about guys.” She admitted, and Cassie giggled as she rested her head on Maddy’s chest again.

They fell into a silence, and Cassie chewed on her bottom lip. Maddy glanced down at the blonde who was practically laying on her. Even from here Maddy could see Cassie was thinking hard.

Before Maddy could even ask, Cassie spoke, “You really do deserve so much better than Nate Jacobs.” Cassie admits, and there’s that gentle tone again, and  fuck , Maddy’s heart clenches as soft green eyes meet her dark brown ones. “You deserve someone who makes you feel good, for being you. Because you’re awesome. You’re the most awesome person I know.” Cassie says with a smile on her face and Maddy actually believes her. Maddy always believes her.

There’s only one person who’s never hurt Maddy Perez, and in this moment, Maddy also believes she never intentionally will. That’s a strange feeling, to trust someone this deeply. Had Cassie been here this entire time?

Had Maddy really been so invested in Nate, that she hadn’t realized... 

“You make me feel good.” Maddy blurts out before she can even finish thinking, and Cassie doesn’t pull away, but she moves her head off of Maddy’s chest to get a better look at the Latina’s face. Cassie’s breath gets caught in her throat, as her mouth parts open and she looks shocked for a few moments. She swallows thickly, “I—“ she pauses, “You make me feel good too.” Cassie responds, honestly. Her tone is still soft and gentler than ever. 

Maddy blinks a few times, a bit shocked, but she begins to smile, “I do?” She asks, in an abnormally diffident tone. Cassie nods, “Of course you do. You’re the only person who makes me feel good.” The blonde admits, and Maddy feels her heart swell at that. She’s positive her heart grew a few sizes just like the Grinch’s on Christmas.

Maddy’s smile slowly fades, “A-And McKay?” She asks, a bit questioningly. Cassie furrows her eyebrows, “What about McKay?” the blonde asks in response, a bit confused. “He doesn’t make you feel good?” She asked, and Cassie paused before answering.

“He used to.” 

Her answer is short, but tells Maddy a lot. “Sometimes he still does, but he makes me feel more bad than he does good, so, our “not-relationship” is over.” Cassie says, and she doesn’t sound very hurt. Maybe she had mentally checked out awhile ago. Maddy could understand that. Maddy  can’t seem to understand why the thought of Cassie and Chris being officially over satisfied her. It felt extremely wrong to feel that way, but Maddy couldn’t help it. 

“Good. He doesn’t deserve you.” Maddy says bluntly, yet she means it sincerely.

Cassie’s cheeks burn but she doesn’t say anything as they stare into each other eyes. Cassie’s breath gets caught in her throat, and she tries her absolute hardest to read Maddy’s face expression. She never can. Maddy’s eyes trail down to Cassie’s plump, pink lips. Cassie tries to pretend not to notice the way something familiar shines in Maddy’s eyes, as she quickly looks back into Cassie’s.

One of Maddy’s hands is on Cassie’s low back, and her free hand is interlocked with one of Cassie’s.

_ How did that happen? _

_ She’s so close.  _

Maddy gulps. 

_ Last week was the most amazing night of my life.  _

_ Just tell her.  _

Maddy open’s her mouth ever so slightly, getting ready to speak

“Cas—“ 

“Are you guys having a movie night?!” 

Lexi’s voice nearly causes Maddy to jump, her face burning in embarrassment, as if they had been doing something  _ else _ . Cassie looked over, annoyed at her sister who had just walked in with Rue Bennett. “We’re trying to.  _ Privately _ .” Cassie hisses, not even bothering to get off of the dark haired girl. “You guys are in the living room. The most public room in the house.” Rue points out, as she reaches for the starburst, and takes a seat on the other side of the couch.

Maddy looks as if she’s about to have an Aneurysm, and thankfully Rue and Lexi are too invested in the snacks and a conversation with each other to notice. Cassie can see the sudden change in Maddy’s demeanor and she can’t help but wonder what the dark haired girl was going to say before Lexi and Rue barged in.

Cassie can’t help but think Maddy was about to...

She almost shakes her head because she doesn’t want to fantasize about that kind of stuff right now.

_ There‘s no way Maddy...  _

_... unless?  _

_ “You make me feel good.”  _

Maddy’s words from earlier were now engraved into Cassie’s mind, and they made the blonde feel as if someone lit a match inside of her belly. 

Cassie blinked a few times as she glanced over at Maddy, who was already looking at her. The dark haired girl averted her gaze quickly, her face burning as she realized she had been caught staring. A pink blush tinted on Cassie’s cheeks as she glanced down at her hand that was still holding Maddy’s free hand. Cassie pulled Maddy’s hand around her, and untwined her hand from Maddy’s, so both of Maddy’s arms were now wrapped around Cassie, hugging the blonde.

Cassie rested her head against Maddy’s chest once again, and she felt the way Maddy held her breath as Cassie snuggled into her. Cassie waits... and she waits... and waits...

... 

Maddy finally lets out a quiet breath, relaxing slightly as she held the blonde in her arms. Her heart was practically beating out of her chest, and she was praying Cassie couldn’t hear it. 

Cassie would‘ve had to have been deaf to have been unable to hear the way Maddy’s heart was pounding. 

Cassie says nothing, because what could she say? In all honesty, Maddy could be back together with Nate Jacobs tomorrow, and that wouldn’t surprise Cassie at all. What surprises Cassie is how safe and content she feels in Maddy’s arms. They’ve cuddled a numerous amount of times... but never like this. Somethings different this time and Cassie can’t seem to put her finger on what it is. 

Maybe it was the way Maddy’s body felt extremely warm against Cassie, or the way Maddy hadn’t touched a single snack all night, or talked about Nate for more than a minute. Tonight was so inscrutably different from most nights, and Cassie wasn’t sure why. She could see the changes clear as day, but she couldn’t figure out what caused them. What caused the shift in atmosphere?

_ Could last week have had something to do with it?  _

The thought of last weeks sleepover flashed through Cassie’s mind, and it all made sense.  _ Maybe I crossed a line and Maddy’s uncomfortable around me,  _ Cassie thinks. 

“Can we watch The Haunting of Hill House next?!” Rue asks pleadingly, and just like that Cassie is pulled back into reality. Cassie looks up, and notices the way Maddy’s eyes light up at the sound of the horror series. Cassie knows whatever questions she has are gonna have to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty sure this story is way too gay to be slow burn but it’s not... quick either? Idk just bare with me on this journey


	3. It Burns Like a Gin

Maddy never really knows how she ends up at these sort of things. These loud, crowded, smelly things. Everyone’s dancing around or on each other like drunk idiots; they’re spilling alcohol; making out with people they wouldn’t even second glance at if they were sober; and worst of all, some of them _actually_ try to talk to her. 

She’d much rather be at home— and that says a lot, considering Maddy literally hates her house. Her nagging, immensely religious, and on occasion verbally abusive mother was almost as bad as her father that refused to speak to her or anyone else in the household at all. But if there was one thing Maddy hated more than her dysfunctional home, it was coming into somebody else’s potentially dysfunctional home, only to find herself surrounded by a bunch of drunk teens around her age, with loud shitty music. Honestly Maddy only comes to these kind of parties for one particular reason.

Maddy looks up and her gaze meets familiar ocean green eyes.

Cassie. 

_ Cassandra fucking Howard.  _

Aka the only reason Maddy even bothers coming to these things lately. She knows how much Cassie loves to party. Especially recently. Maddy is positive the increase in college and high school parties they’ve been to over the last month was because of Cassie’s little “procedure” (as the blonde called it), but of course Maddy doesn’t say anything about it. After all, Cassie put up with Maddy and her toxic relationship with Nate for years... the least Maddy could do was party with her best friend in her time of need. 

Although right now was not one of Maddy’s most _favorable_ moments...

She couldn’t help but let her eyes linger as Cassie drunkenly danced with (or basically on) some random guy. The blonde pulls her eyes away from Maddy’s tenebrous brown ones, and turns to face the guy she’s dancing with. He’s handsome. Maddy will give him that. She watches as Cassie wraps her arms around his neck and she leans in and—

Maddy turns away quickly because that’s where she draws the line. She refuses to watch Cassie make out with anyone else. She’s not going to blame, or judge the blonde for any of her actions, after all Cassie is single and she can make out with whoever she wants.  _ More power to her, _ Maddy thinks. The dark haired girl just doesn’t want to watch.

Maddy swiftly makes her way to the drink station, and reaches for one of the bottles of Jack Daniels and a clean cup. She pours herself a drink, and doesn’t think twice before chugging it.

“That’s abusive.” A familiar voice pulls her out of her thoughts. She turns her head to see Lexi Howard standing beside her. Lexi and her don’t have many things in common, in fact right now, they only have one. Their reason for being here. Lexi only came to these things to babysit Cassie and Rue, and well... Maddy’s reason is solely Cassie. Maddy didn’t answer, instead she only poured herself another drink.

“You know what I hate about these things?” Maddy asks, as she reaches for another cup, and pours some more Jack Daniels into it. She hands the cup to Lexi, who accepts it, and before she could respond to the dark haired girl, Maddy continues, “Everyone here is just trying to escape from their own shitty reality. Except the shitty reality is still going be there in the morning, and so is a hangover.” Maddy mutters, and if Lexi hadn’t been listening she wouldn’t have heard her.

Lexi feels confused, “I thought you liked these kind of things.” The brunette points out. She’s known Maddy since they were children, and if there’s one thing her and Cassie are known for, its parties. Maddy pauses, and she glances over at Cassie who’s still too close to that guy, and the sight burns but what can she do?

Maddy takes another drink, and shrugs, “I think I’ve just been to one too many of these. They’re all starting to feel the same.” Maddy retorts, before walking away, and leaving Lexi standing there a bit confused. She wonders if Cassie has noticed Maddy’s strange behavior lately. Lexi thinks it has something to do with Nate Jacobs. Everyone always thinks it has something to do with Nate Jacobs.

Maddy doesn’t lie. She still thinks about Nate more than she’d like to admit. She thinks about the way he used to kiss her, or sometimes hold her. She thinks about the way she felt when he’d hold her hand in the halls at school. Even the way he made her feel when he’d have a simple conversation with her.

Maddy misses it. Not Nate, or the relationship. She just misses having _somebody._ For as long as she can remember, Maddy has always had Nate or some other guy to fill in for him. This was the longest time she’s ever been by herself. It wouldn’t be so bad, if she consistently didn’t feel as if she stuck out like a sore thumb on her own.

It also doesn’t help that everyone knows about what happened— or at least, everyone has their own version of what happened between Maddy and Nate. Of course most of them were pretty spot on; abusive asshole, stupid girl. At least, that’s how Maddy views it.

Maddy takes another sip of her drink, and it burns as it goes down her throat, but not as badly as the thought of her and Nate, combined with the thought of someone else kissing Cassie. Maddy tries not to— she tries to stop her thoughts from flooding her mind, but everything hits her at once. Her feelings for Cassie, the way things fell apart with Nate. The way she felt when Nate’s hands were squeezing her neck so tightly she could barely breathe, and the way she felt when Cassie’s lips lingered on the bruises. The overwhelming thoughts disembogues in her brain, and they’re all she can see.

Her and Nate. 

Her and Cassie. 

Cassie and someone else. 

Her and Nate. 

_Nate._

_ Nate.  _

_ Nate.  _

_ Nate.  _

She can still hear him screaming at her. 

She just wants quiet. She  needs quiet. 

Maddy nearly jumps as something hits the back of her shoulder, causing her cup to fall to the floor, spilling Jack Daniels all over her expensive heels. She tenses up, because for some reason she feels as if Nate Jacobs is standing right behind her. “Oh shit— my bad Maddy, I’ll pay for those.” Some drunk asshole on the football team slurs, but Maddy’s already halfway towards the front door. 

She doesn’t care that her heels are soaking wet, and really uncomfortable to walk in. She doesn’t care that she’s walking outside, in the middle of the night alone. She doesn’t care that it’s freezing outside, and she barely has any clothes on. Maddy doesn’t care about anything—

As Maddy reaches the porch, she stops, an uneasy feeling washes over. Before Maddy can think of anything else, she’s leaning over and throwing up on the poorly mowed lawn. Maddy decides alcohol burns twice as much coming back up than it does going down. Maddy was sure the noises she was making were pretty loud, but she couldn’t be heard over the twice as loud music.

She threw up until she couldn’t throw up anymore. She should feel bad for ruining this poor person’s lawn— honestly she didn’t even know who’s house she was at. She didn’t care. Maddy nearly stumbled, as she took a seat on the porch, trying her hardest not to cry.

_ Stupid Nate Jacobs and stupid— _

“Hey.” Cassie pulls Maddy out of her thoughts, and Maddy doesn’t even bother to look up. She clears her throat, “Hey.” Maddy says, and she tries her hardest to sound okay. She can’t help but feel transparent in Cassie’s gaze. Cassie tries not to stare at the beautiful, yet visibly sad girl sitting all alone, but it’s extremely hard not to. 

She doesn’t have to ask if Maddy is okay, and Maddy appreciates that more than the blonde will ever know. Cassie doesn’t think twice before sitting down next to Maddy. She stares for a moment, first staring at Maddy’s face, Maddy looks upset, and then she lets her eyes trail down; over the Latina’s body, and down to her shoes. “What happened to your heels?” The blonde asks, and there’s that soft tone again.

“I spilled my drink on them.” Maddy technically doesn’t lie. “I’m sure if you soak them in warm water or something—“ Maddy cuts the blonde off. “They’re ruined.” The Latina’s voice is blunt and phlegmatic.

They fall into a silence. It’s not unfamiliar to Cassie— she’s used to these kind of silences.

“You can go back inside. I wanna be alone.” Maddy says, and her tone comes off as cold and reserved. Cassie looks over at her, and Maddy’s still staring in front of them, across the street blankly. “You don’t want to be alone.” Cassie says, and Maddy opens her mouth to protest, but Cassie beats her to it, “You want to be understood.” The blonde’s tone is light, and judgment-free.

Maddy tenses up for a second, before looking over at Cassie, who was already staring at her. Maddy sighs softly, before turning her head to face forward again. “Nate bought me these.” The dark haired girl admits, and her tone is almost unrecognizable. “It was three days after our first fight; he hadn’t hit me, or said anything too mean to me, and he apologized with three hundred dollar heels.” Maddy continues, and she scoffs as she remembers the look on her own face when she opened the box, and had seen the shoes.

“I remember thinking, how lucky I was to have someone who loves me  this  much. Enough to apologize with something like this. I thought— I thought because he spent a couple hundred dollars after forgetting our date, it meant he cared.” Maddy explains, and Cassie listens intently, as she stares at her best friend with soft eyes. “The first time it started hurting, you’d think it was a slap or a punch— but it wasn’t. The first time it really hurt was when he didn’t speak to me for a whole week afterwards.” Maddy confesses, and that little voice in her head is screaming at her, calling her pathetic.

“He hurt me and I apologized for it. I did it time after time, after time. I thought because he spent money and made time for me... it meant he loved me.” Maddy says, and she scoffs as she wipes the tears away before they can fully fall from her eyes. She shakes her head, “I thought he really loved me. I was stupid enough to believe someone could actually love me.” Maddy’s voice is self loathing, and she may have thrown up the majority of what she had drank, but she was still drunk enough to slur over her words.

Maddy figured everything she was saying probably didn’t make sense to Cassie. She supposes, she probably sounds like an idiot. She certainly feels like one.

The taller girl let’s out a scoff, shaking her head, “That probably doesn’t make any sense. Sorry.” Maddy apologizes quickly, and Cassie stares at her for a short while.

“Nate Jacob, hurt you an endless amount of times, for years, and you apologized for it. And here you are, apologizing for it again.” Cassie says, and Maddy opens her mouth to say something, but no words come out. She can’t defend herself because what Cassie is saying is true. Cassie reaches for Maddy’s hand, and she intertwines their fingers together. She ignores the way the pit of her stomach tingles as Maddy looks at her.

“Don’t apologize for how you feel, and don’t apologize for expressing yourself. Not to me, not ever.” Cassie says in a stern yet sincere expression, and Maddy feels her heart physically stop as she looks down at her hand in Cassie’s. “You did nothing wrong, you loved him and he used it against you— that’s not your fault, it’s his.” The blonde says, as she lifts her free hand up to Maddy’s face, and moves a strand of loose hair behind the Latina’s ear. Cassie keeps her hand on Maddy’s cheek as she stares deeply into those dark chocolate, brown eyes.

Maddy feels her breath get caught in her throat, and her cheek suddenly feels as if it’s searing against the shorter girls touch. “Look at you,” Cassie says in a gentle tone barely above a whisper. “You’re so fucking beautiful and you have no idea that every dude in this town would kill to be with you.” Cassie says, and she sounds so serious; Maddy actually thinks Cassie believes that. She scoffs, as she pulls her cheek away from Cassie. “Nobody wants to deal with Nate Jacobs baggage.” Maddy mutters, untwining her hand from the blonde’s. The comment unintentionally frustrates Cassie.

“Fuck Nate Jacobs!” The blonde slurs a little bit _too_ loudly. Maddy’s eyes go wide because they’re in a public, and inside are room full of Nate Jacobs friends and teammates that love him so very much. “Nate Jacobs is a psychotic, coward, with a below average sized penis, and he took out all his frustrations on you. He sucks, and if he ever tries to speak to you again I’ll kick him in the balls for both of us.” Cassie promises, and this makes Maddy giggle involuntarily. She can’t help it; Cassie knows how to make her laugh.

Maddy’s laughter dies down, and she can’t help but stare at Cassie who’s staring at her with that cute little smile on her face and those eyes.

_ God, those eyes.  _

Maddy blinks a few times, snapping herself out of whatever trance Cassie Howard has her in. “I-I’m sorry if I ruined the night.” The dark haired girl apologizes. “You can really go back inside, I’ll just text Kat to come and get me.” Maddy says, as she flashes a reassuring smile at the blonde. “Besides, that college boy you were dancing with was really cute.” Maddy taunts, but there’s something enigmatic in her tone that Cassie can’t seem to put her finger on. 

“He’s boring.” Cassie admits bluntly.

Maddy giggles again and it’s like music to the blonde’s ears. “I’m gonna get us an Uber then.” Maddy says, ignoring the blonde’s response. Cassie raises an eyebrow, “Wait, we’re really leaving?” She asked, and Maddy flashed her a look. “No offense, but I hate everyone in there.” Maddy says coarsely, pointing at the house. “You didn’t dance with me tonight. At all.” Cassie responds with a slight pout. The dark haired girl rolls her eyes,

_ Because you were dancing with loser Mcscrooge.  _

Maddy almost refrains herself from saying it. Almost.

She stands up; 

“Well, you were too busy dancing with Delta’s finest.” Maddy mumbles. It seems she’s not so evolved. Hey, she’s only human. 

Cassie looks up at Maddy from where she’s sitting, taken back for a moment, but then laughs, “You could have cut in.” The blonde points out and Maddy rolls her eyes as she unlocks her phone and opens the Uber app. “I didn’t want to.” The Latina responds a bit crudely. She looks up from her phone at Cassie and Cassie’s staring at questioningly. “You looked like you were having fun. I didn’t want to cock-block.” Maddy adds, before looking back down at her phone.

“Plus, I had fun getting drunk.” Maddy half-lies. “Your sister and I took a few shots together, her and Bennett  _do_ know how to party.” Maddy jokes and she sounds so off. She’s been off for weeks now, and Cassie has said nothing. What can Cassie say?

_“Hey I’m really glad you haven’t gotten back with Nate, and I‘m super sorry I kissed your neck a bunch of times that night, but I‘m so not ready to ruin the best friendship I’ve ever had. Also I have a huge crush on you.”_

“Our uber’s gonna be here in like ten minutes.” Maddy pulls Cassie out of her thoughts, “Ugh, if we’re lucky maybe they’ll stop at a McDonald’s. I want some nuggets.” The Latina slurs, and Cassie can’t help but smile as she realizes Maddy is indeed drunk. Cassie looks over her shoulder for a moment, and she can see the boy she was dancing with through the front window, standing around waiting for her. She stares at him for a moment, before turning back to stare at the fascinating girl in front of her.

  
Cassie doesn’t even think about going back inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ship Nate Jacobs with Red Formans foot up his ass 🙈


	4. You Taste So Good (You Know You Do)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapters long IMSORRY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I’ve been a little busy but don’t worry I will never forget about my non-canon comfort ship.

Cassie thinks Maddy looks better with her hair up. Not in a low ponytail, or even a middle— no, Maddy looks her absolute best when she’s wearing her short, dark black hair in a high ponytail. At least, Cassie thinks she does. 

Of course the blonde believes her best friend looks beautiful regardless of the way she wears her hair, there was just something about the way Madeleine Perez looked with her hair up. Those were the days Cassie found it extremely difficult not to stare. Especially during gym or cheer practice. Those tight spandex shorts, and skin tight crop top that’s barely excusable for clothing— Cassie loves every moment of it.

Call her a filthy perv if you must, Cassie doesn’t care. Maybe she would if she wasn’t so focused on the way bullets of sweat drip down Maddy’s neck all the way down to her collar bone, as she finishes warming up. Or the way Maddy’s shirt rides so far up its barely covering her boobs. Cassie’s eyes trail up Maddy’s long, slender legs, and up her extremely toned stomach— Maddy Perez is a fucking Goddess, and Cassandra Howard doesn’t know if she believes in God, but she does know she thanks whatever higher power there is for creating the person who came up with women’s work out clothes.

A loud whistle pulls Cassie out of her trance, “Six more minutes ladies!” The coaches voice is stern and loud. Cassie looks back over at Maddy who is now reaching for her water bottle. Cassie blinks a few dozen times as she watches Maddy drink water. This, Cassie thinks, certainly  cannot be healthy. No human should get aroused at the sight of someone drinking water. There’s the problem isn’t it? Maddy seems to make the simplest things look arousing. Of course, it’s nothing new; Cassie can shamefully admit Maddy has successfully and unintentionally turned her on since they were in middle school together...

... but it’s never been  this excessive. It appears over the past month, Cassie’s problem seems to be getting worse. Before, it was somewhat possible to ignore Maddy, and look away because Maddy was completely oblivious to what she had been doing.  Something clearly changed. Cassie wonders if Maddy is trying to excite her on purpose lately— if Maddy knows how much it entices Cassie when she so much as rolls her tongue, or bats her eyelashes.

The blonde pushes that image far away, trying not to dwell on it because if she does she feels... _indecent_. Even now as Maddy bends over to pick up her phone and towel from off the gymnasium floor, Cassie can’t help but feel as if everyone could practically hear her outrageous thoughts. She pries her eyes away—

  
_You’re disgusting. She’s not next week’s sale item, just stop looking._

— at least Cassie tries. She really does, but every time she does, her eyes trail back to Maddy like magnets. Maddy looks up as she stretches her legs out, and her eyes meet Cassie’s. Cassie nearly looks away but she figures that would make her seem suspicious, so instead she presses her lips together firmly, and smiles. Pretending as if she hadn’t just been checking her best friend out. Maddy stands up off the floor, and begins to walk over to the blonde, and her smile is almost mischievous. Cassie can’t seem to take her eyes off of her. 

“So Kat’s parents went to a funeral in Ohio this morning. They won’t be back till Sunday night.” Maddy says, insinuatingly, and Cassie furrows her eyebrows. “Oh no, who’s funeral?” The blonde asks, and Maddy stares at her for a moment. “Who cares? Kat’s house is parent-free for two days.” Maddy blurts out, “Which means, we’re getting wasted.” The dark haired girl adds, and Cassie raises both of her eyebrows in amusement, suddenly intrigued. If there was one thing Cassie loved it was a girls night and alcohol... and Maddy of course. 

“Girls night?” Cassie asks excitedly, and Maddy grins mischievously, as she nods. “Yes! So text little Howard or something, so she can bring Bennett.” Maddy responds, and Cassie doesn’t need to be told twice; she’s already texting Lexi before gym is over. The entire time they’re changing in the locker room Maddy goes on and on about what they’re going to be doing at the sleepover. She gives Cassie clear instructions on what to bring, and Cassie listens keenly. Cassie doesn’t care much for “perfecting” the sleepover, but if it’s what Maddy wants, Cassie more than willing to comply. 

It’s always been like that. For as long as Cassie can remember, she has always stuck by Maddy’s side and obeyed her every command. It isn’t necessarily one sided either, it works both ways. Maddy would never actually admit it, but she would go to the ends of the earth if Cassie asked. (Even if Cassie doesn’t know it.)

Throughout the rest of the school day, Cassie does what’s become her routine of trying not to stare too long at Maddy as the dark haired girl does a variety of simple things like taking notes, or talking to her and their friends. Cassie tries to think about other things, but her mind always circles back to Maddy. The classes they have together are even worse for the blonde; she almost failed last weeks Spanish test because she had forgotten the concept of time as she ogled Maddy from across the room in her assigned seat. Sometimes Cassie thinks she’s cursed. Cursed with falling for people who will never want her back. 

The thought is a sad reality for Cassie. She knew there was no way in hell Maddy could possibly want to be more than best friends. 

And even though it hurts sometimes, a part of herself enjoys her crush on Maddy, because Maddy is the best person she knows. Cassie would rather have a crush on Maddy than anyone else at the school. (Maybe she’s just biased). 

Cassie shows up at Kat’s later that night at 8;15. It doesn’t take long for Kat to open the door, greeting the blonde in what she describes as “slutty” lacy pajamas. “Did you bring what you were told to?” Kat asks, and Cassie nods as she holds up her overnight bag. “Cute pjs, and raspberry vodka, right?” Cassie asks, and Kat smiles, visibly pleased as she steps aside, letting her friend in. “Everyone’s in my room already.” Kat informs the taller girl, and Cassie nods as she walks up to Kat’s bedroom. 

She can hear her sisters giggling, and she recognizes each of the girls voices. As Cassie walks in, and the laughter dies down, her eyes immediately land on Maddy, who’s wearing her new pajama short set from Victoria secret. Cassie has seen it before— Cassie was there when Maddy tried it on. 

“Hey Cas.” Rue says, and Cassie smiles. “Hey guys.” She says as she instinctively takes a seat next to Maddy on the floor. “You’re late.” Maddy says, and Cassie flashes her a look. “I couldn’t find any pajamas! I had to do laundry last minute.” Cassie defends herself, and Maddy stares Cassie up and down quickly. She sees the pink pajama shirt and matching satin short shorts Cassie is wearing, and Maddy has to pry her eyes away from Cassie’s thighs quickly. She knows once she starts perving on Cassie in her head, the thoughts won’t stop. 

“Good choice.” Maddy says, running her eyes over Cassie’s body once more, before meeting the blonde’s shy gaze. Cassie’s cheeks are pink and she suddenly feels flustered under Maddy’s observance. 

“Wanna take shots?” Cassie asks, as she reaches into her bag and pulls out the Raspberry vodka she stole from her mother’s poorly locked liquor cabinet. “Always.” Maddy says, and there’s that glimmer in her eyes again as she smiles at Cassie. “Alright while you guys do that shit, I’m going to roll this.” Rue says as she holds up a bag of weed. Maddy raises both of her eyebrows, but before she can say anything, Rue is speaking, “It’s pot, not coke.” Rue defends herself, and the girls don’t say anything.

Lexi nods, “I’m gonna stick to drinking, but you guys have fun with that.” The brunette says, and Cassie rolls her eyes. “Boringggg!” The blonde taunts her younger sister, who only rolls her eyes in annoyance. “I’m in!” Kat exclaims. “I’m going to invite Ethan over!” She adds in a giddy tone as she reaches for her phone. 

“If you get to invite Ethan over, I’m inviting Fez so we can at least have decent company while you go and dry hump your boyfriend.” Rue mutters as she unlocks her phone. “This was supposed to be a girls night, whores.” Maddy mutters, as she takes a chug from the raspberry vodka, not even bothering to grab a cup. Cassie giggles, as she takes the bottle out of Maddy’s hands; their fingertips graze each other’s slightly, and that single touch sends a jolt of electricity down Cassie’s spine. 

Cassie begins to chug quickly, attempting to wash the feeling down with a stinging sensation of liquor— the only sensation that seemed to overpower anything in Cassie lately— it singed as it went down her throat. The raspberry flavoring was faint, and did very little to mask the taste of pure alcohol. Cassie didn’t even know why the girls bothered with this flavored shit anymore— Cassie would much rather prefer straight tequila or vodka. 

When Cassie finally puts the bottle down, Lexi and Kat are staring at her with a bit of concern, while Rue and Maddy stare at her in awe. Of course, something’s shining in Maddy’s brown eyes as she stares at her best friend and Cassie can’t quite put her finger on it, and maybe it’s the alcohol, but she swears she recognizes the amatory look on the Latina’s face, and Cassie wonders if their friends notice.   


“I’m gonna go bring some of my parents scotch.” Kat says, as she stands up, and Cassie nods eagerly. “Please do. Especially if you guys are gonna invite a bunch of losers.” The blonde says, making Maddy giggle, and nod in agreement. 

“I thought you liked losers.” Lexi comments, poking at her older sister. “She’s done with losers.” Maddy retorts, a bit sassily as she pours a cup full of vodka. She hands it to Rue, then she pours another cup full for Lexi, and hands it to the brunette who’s staring at Maddy and Cassie curiously. She accepts the drink anyway, and says nothing. 

“Alright bitches, scotch, Buchanan’s, and Jose Cuervo.” Kat interrupts as she walks back into the room with three bottles of liquor. Cassie’s eyes light up and Maddy can’t help but think the blonde looks absolutely adorable. “Fez said he’ll be here in like an hour with the twins.” Rue says, as she takes a sip of the vodka in her cup. Kat scrunches her nose up while Cassie and Maddy roll their eyes. “The twins? Seriously?” Maddy asks, clearly unamused.

Rue shrugged, “He said they were just at his place, and they wanted to tag along.” She explained, “Of course they did.” Maddy and Cassie both blurted out at the same time. “Whats wrong with the twins? They’re cool.” Rue points out, and Cassie rolls her eyes. “It’s not the twins, it’s the guys in general, this was supposed to be a girls night. I wanted to get drunk safely.” Cassie mutters, and Kat flashes her a look. “It’ll be totally safe! Maddy’s like a Rottweiler.” Kat points out, and Maddy nods in agreement. 

“True, I am totally willing to slap anybody. Especially for you.” Maddy says a bit proudly, and she looks at Cassie reassuringly because she wants her to know she can still get drunk safely if it’s what she wants, because she _is_ safe as long as Maddy’s around. “And if the guys get annoying I’ll just kick them out.” Kat adds, and Rue nods in agreement, “Yeah, Fez can take a hint.” She says as she finishes rolling the joint she’s been working on for a fifteen minutes now. Cassie rolls her eyes, “Whatever, fine. But if anyone tries to feel me up tonight, I’m swinging.” Cassie mutters, and Maddy can’t help but giggle at the thought. 

“Kat, your like six shots behind. Come catch up!” Maddy orders, as she stands up with the raspberry vodka in her hands. “Open.” Maddy adds as she stands over Kat who’s sitting on the edge of her bed. Kat rolls her eyes but opens her mouth; Maddy tilts the open bottle over and pours a substantial amount of liquor down Kat’s throat. Kat magnificently drinks it without gagging, and Maddy smiles widely and a bit evilly as she withdraws the bottle, pulling it towards herself, and taking a swig. 

Maddy turns around and her eyes lock with light green eyes; she smirks as she realizes Cassie is staring at her. “Want some?” The Latina shakes the bottle in her hand teasingly, and Cassie nods, in a bit of a trance. Maddy flashes the blonde a maligned grin as she walks over to where Cassie is sitting. “Open.” The dark haired girl orders as she approaches the shorter woman. 

The blonde obeys immediately, and tilts her head back as she opens her mouth. Maddy’s grin deepens as she pours some vodka into Cassie’s mouth. It’s not as much as she poured down Kat’s, because miraculously, the vodka was almost finished. Maddy pulls the bottle back to herself, as Cassie swallows the liquor effortlessly. Maddy doesn’t take her eyes off of Cassie the entire time. 

The hour basically consists of the girls yapping and drinking a bit inordinately. Lexi seemed to be the only one who was controlling herself; maybe it was because she really didn’t need to control herself at all. She didn’t enjoy drinking as much as her sister and friends did. She really only came to these things because Cassie or Rue usually ask her to. Rue had lit the blunt twelve minutes into their tipsy conversations, and now each of their buzz was more extent than before.

Kat giggled to herself as she passed the blunt to Maddy. “Whats the highest number of orgasms you’ve ever received?” Kat asks, and the question causes Rue to do a bit of a double take. “From myself or from sex?” Rue asks and Kat thinks for a moment. It takes her a second longer to answer than usual. “Sex.” The short haired girl responds, as she takes a sip of whatever concoction is in her cup. “Five.” Rue answers, causing Maddy’s eyes to go wide. “Five?!” She exclaims, in pure disbelief.

“No way. It’s not even humanly possible for us to cum that many times.” Maddy responds, and Rue flashes her a look. “It is possible.” The brunette says, and Kat nods in agreement. “For sure. One of my girl friends on only fans says she’s able to give herself thirteen.” Kat explains, causing Lexi to flash her a look of concern. “That sounds exhausting.” She points out, and Cassie giggles, “But so worth it.” The blonde says, dazed. She wonders for a moment what it’s like reaching climax that many times.

“What about you?” Rue asks Kat, and she shrugs, “Three.” She responds simply, and Rue only nods. She looks over at Lexi mischievously who rolls her eyes, “Two.” Lexi mutters, a bit embarrassed by the topic. Cassie’s eyes lit up, “Just like me!” The blonde exclaims, and this makes Rue and Kat laugh while Lexi cringes in embarrassment. Everyone’s eyes then land on Maddy who looks like she’s thinking a little too hard.

“And you?” Kat asks, causing Maddy to look up. “I–“ Maddy pauses, “I’m not answering this dumb ass question.” The dark haired girl mutters as she chugs whatever’s left in her cup. The girls exchange looks of confusion as Cassie flashes Maddy a look of concern mixed with bewilderment. She wondered why that question had rubbed the taller girl the wrong way. Before Cassie could even ask, their conversation was interrupted by the doorbell ringing.

“I’ll get it! It’s probably Ethan or the guys.” Kat says as she stands up quickly, and staggers drunkenly out of her bedroom. Cassie waits for a moment, until Lexi and Rue are caught up in their own conversation, and she flashes Maddy a look. “What?” Maddy asks, noticing the look on her best friends face as she reaches for the bottle of scotch. “Why’d you get all weird about the orgasm question?” Cassie asked, causing Maddy to roll her eyes.

“Because it was a stupid question.” The dark haired girl responds bluntly. Cassie raised an eyebrow at the Latina, as if she were mentally saying “I’m not buying it”, and this caused Maddy to roll her eyes. She opened her mouth to say something, but before she could, Kat was walking back into the bedroom with Ethan, Fez, Tyler, and Tristan. For the first time in her life, Maddy was actually glad the guys were here. It gave her an excuse for not answering the blonde.

“Hello ladies.” Fez says as he walks in, “You guys look cute.” He adds, half-sarcastically and Maddy rolls her eyes in response. Mentally she says,  for her, not for you , but in reality she only says, “You guys wanna drink?”

The twins grin, nodding, and without hesitation they reach for the scotch, and Maddy hands them two empty cups. Fez takes a seat next to Rue, who hands him the joint. He gladly accepts, and that’s how their nights begins. It’s oddly, chill, much to Maddy’s surprise. She’s really not used to things like this. Nate usually dragged her to loud, chaotic (sometimes college) parties. It had been so long since she had been to something like this.

The night consisted of drunken confessions, and involuntary laughs. Maddy and Cassie sat abnormally close to each other, but nobody commented on it. The more alcohol they drank, the closer the two got. Maddy was extremely feely whilst drunk, and it certainly wasn’t anything new for Cassie, but there was just something in the way the dark haired woman would stare up at her with those big brown eyes; they darkened as they stared at the shorter blonde.

The way Maddy batted her eyelashes also didn’t go unnoticed by Cassie; how could they? It was practically driving her crazy every time Maddy did it. Cassie would take a shot every time Maddy would do something that nearly pushed her over the edge. Like when she’d lick her lips or glance down at Cassie’s, the way Cassie’s left arm grazed with Maddy’s, and so did her knee— Cassie developed a system— a shot every time Maddy did something seemingly sexy.

“We should play spin the bottle.” Troy suggests, and Maddy rolls her eyes, “What are we twelve?” Maddy asks, and Troy thinks for a moments. Something shines in his eyes, “Spin the bottle, but instead of kissing who the bottle lands on, you go in the closet and play seven minutes instead.” He adds, and Maddy goes silent as she thinks about it. On one hand, she knows theirs a possibility she could end up having to go inside of the closet with one of the guys, but on the other hand, there was a thought of being inside of Kat’s closet with Cassie. The thought was enough to make Maddy nod, grinning mischievously at the twin. “Now you’re talking.”

Cassie stares at Maddy, a bit uncertainly because she really doesn’t want to play spin the bottle or seven minutes in heaven. She doesn’t want to kiss and into the closet with anyone here, except for Maddy, and she knew the possibility of them kissing each other was slim. She also doesn’t want Maddy ending up in Kat’s closet with anybody else. Reluctantly though, Cassie joins the circle her friends are now sitting in. Their ironically using the (now empty) raspberry vodka bottle. 

Cassie notices Maddy’s sitting in between Fez and Kat, meaning Cassie has to find someone else to sit next to. She sits in between Lexi and Rue, and the game begins. 

Twenty-one minutes into the game Troy and Kat had gone into the closet, and then Fez and Lexi which Cassie can see clearly disappointments Rue, Ethan, and Lexi. She knew this game was going to lead to nothing but disaster. After Kat comes back with a grinning Troy, she takes a seat next to Maddy and ignores the way Ethan is staring at her. “It’s your turn Maddy.” Rue says, and Maddy nods, but before she can reach for the bottle, Kat speaks, “Can I spin for you?! I think I have good luck!” The short haired girl slurs, and Maddy wants to protest, but before she can, Kat continues. 

“Unless you’re scared.” Kat says, and Maddy pauses. She narrows her eyes at her friend, “I’m not scared of anything.” Maddy lies so effortlessly, everyone practically believes her. Almost everyone. “Then let me spin for you.” Kat says, with an expression that reads, “checkmate”. Maddy glances up at the ceiling for a moment, holding her breath.

_ God— or whatever— I’ve never asked you for anything before but if you’re even the slightest bit real, please let me end up frenching Cassandra Howard tonight. I won’t ask you for anything else. Not even a new contour set. Amen.  _

“Fine.” Maddy finally says, after a few seconds. Kat squeals in excitement as she reaches for the bottle, and before she spins, Maddy’s eyes landed on Cassie, who was pouring herself a shot of the tequila Fez had brought; not at all paying attention to the game. As Kat spun the bottle, Maddy watched it in anticipation. When it began to slow down, an apprehensive feeling began to surge through her blood as it nearly landed on Lexi. Nearly. The tip of the bottle moved ever so slightly, so it was no pointing directly at Cassie, who was now sucking on the lemon wedge she had been holding earlier; still oblivious to what was happening. 

“Holy shit.” Kat says, as she snorts and lets out a laugh. 

Maddy’s heart nearly stops as Cassie looks down at the bottle, realizing it’s pointing at her. The blonde tenses up because she has no idea who’s turn it was. She’s praying it’s anyone but the guy her sister had just made out with. 

Maddy’s flashing Cassie a look, and that’s when it hits her. It was Maddy’s turn. 

Cassie somehow refrains her eyes from bugging out of her head as Maddy stands up, not even attempting to try and get out of the situation. Cassie stands up, miraculously without stumbling, and she follows Maddy to the closet, ignoring Kat’s drunk laughter, and the back and fourth of the twins; “That’s so hot.” “I wish I could watch.” 

Cassie tries not to look down at Maddy’s butt as she’s leading her to the closet, but it’s as if her eyes have a mind of their own. Especially while she’s drunk.

_ There’s no way Maddy actually wants to make out with me. Right?  _

Maddy holds the closet door open for Cassie, and Cassie walks in, looking down shyly. Maddy shut the door behind them, as she walks in as well. It’s pitch black, but Maddy finds the light switch, and as soon as it flickers on, the dim light illuminates the room. Maddy looks over at Cassie, who’s glancing around, a bit sheepishly. Maddy takes a seat on the floor, and looks up at the blonde insinuatingly. Cassie gets the hint and sits down right beside her best friend. 

The Latina positions herself so she’s sitting in front of the blonde, and she has this look on her face that Cassie can’t recognize. Cassie is instantly nervous.

“I— er, we— we don’t have to make out and stuff. We can just sit here for seven minutes and then tell them that we did.” Cassie offers anxiously, and it crosses Maddy’s mind for a quick moment— just one—

_ Cassie’s my best friend, and I know we’ve kissed dozens of times, but we’re usually shit-faced drunk, and we usually aren’t this aware of our surroundings— _

“That makes us boring, and liars.” Maddy says the words before she can let her thoughts run on. (Lord knows she could.) Maddy sees the way Cassie freezes up, and stares at her a bit questioningly and uncertainly, “Yo– You wanna make out?” Cassie asks, and her tone is fragile and unsure. She was almost positive Maddy had been uncomfortable around her over the past month and a half because of what had happened that night... 

Cassie was suddenly astonishingly confused. A number of questions began to run through her mind;

_ Why has Maddy been acting so weird around me then?  _

_ Does she seriously want to make out?  _

_ What if this is a trap to test if I’m gay?  _

_ Am I?  _

_... pretty sure I’m bi.  _

_ Fuck I’m so not ready for this— _

Maddy can practically see Cassie thinking, and she takes that as a bad sign. “If you don’t want to we don’t have to—“ 

— _fuck it._

Before Maddy can even finish her sentence, Cassie is lunging forward. She leans in and is kissing Maddy’s lips abruptly. Maddy is shocked for a second, but kisses back as soon as she realizes what’s happening. Cassie’s lips feel soft and wet against Maddy’s, they’re extremely different from Nate’s. She can taste the lime and hint of tequila in Cassie’s mouth. 

Maddy closes her eyes as she leans in further, deepening the kiss. Her hand lands on Cassie’s right cheek, and Cassie’s lips are burning against hers but she can’t seem to get enough of it. She needs as much as Cassie will give her.

Maddy tastes better than Cassie could’ve ever expected; she can taste Maddy’s strawberry lipgloss and the faint taste of vodka on her lips. Maddy’s tongue meet’s Cassie, and Cassie lets out the most unholy moan Maddy’s ever heard. It sends a jolt of arousal coursing through Maddy’s veins, and she wants to hear more. She  needs to hear more.

That Latina uses her clear advantage and strength to lean in further, until Cassie’s back was pressed up against the wall behind her, Cassie tries not to focus on the way Maddy’s knee is centimeters away from her vulva.

Cassie’s heart is beating out of her chest and her lips are on fire, every spot Maddy’s hands are touching is tingling, and she can’t seem to get the taste of raspberry vodka and strawberry lipgloss out of her head. What an ungodly combination. Maddy pulls away ever so slightly, and it causes Cassie’s eyes to flutter open.

Their eyes meet, and Maddy searches for any sign of discomfort or repentance. Their breathing is heavy, they’re both practically panting. Before either one of them could even think about saying anything, Maddy’s leaning in and Cassie’s eyes flutter shut, gladly waiting for the Latina’s lips to touch hers once again. Cassie’s eyes go wide, and she lets out a small gasp as Maddy’s lips meet her neck. Maddy’s tongue grazes over Cassie’s soft, smooth skin, and it seems to be getting harder for Cassie to contain her moans.

Cassie’s intwines her fingers in Maddy’s dark, soft locks, running her fingers against her scalp encouragingly. Maddy sucks on Cassie’s pulse point ever gently at first, earning a short, trembling moan from the blonde. This only urged Maddy to suck harder— and she did. Cassie moans louder, and Maddy’s sure she’s probably leaving a mark. She doesn’t care. The only thing she can think about is Cassie— And her soft smooth skin, her profane little noises, the way her hands gripped on Maddy’s hair—

Cassie lets out the loudest, arousing moan Maddy has ever heard as the Latina pushes her knee against the center of the thin satin material of Cassie’s shorts.

Cassie’s brain and body was on fire— she couldn’t think, she could barely breathe, and she was sure her panties were probably soaking through her shorts. Cassie hates this feeling, yet simultaneously it’s the most amazing feeling the blonde has ever felt. She felt filthy, as Maddy Perez sucked on her neck and she practically ground herself against her best friends knee, needing more. Cassie’s breathing was getting heavier as Maddy’s hands began roaming Cassie’s body.

Cassie gathers her thoughts for all about two seconds, giving her enough time to tug on Maddy’s hair, pulling the taller girl away from her neck. Maddy keeps her knee against Cassie’s center, while Cassie’s fingers are in Maddy’s hair and the only thing either of them can hear is their own heartbeats and the other irregular breathing. Their eyes lock together, and Maddy Can see that look in Cassie’s eyes. The same look she had seen in Cassie that night— that yearning look.

Maddy’s mouth parts ever so slightly, but before she can say anything, Cassie pulls her in and kisses Maddy hard.

In this moment Cassie rethinks everything shes ever learned about addiction, and addictive substances. She thinks, all those drugs and drinks have nothing on  this — the way Maddy tastes, and the way her tongue feels against Cassie’s... Cassie’s never felt this euphoric in her entire life—

** *Knock, Knock*  **

“Your seven minutes have  been up, horn dogs!” Kat’s knocks and loud voice interrupts them, causing Maddy to jump away from the blonde quickly. They fall into a silence for a few seconds, as they avoid each other’s gaze shamefully. Neither one of them moved. They glanced up at each other at the same time, and their eyes meet again. It’s as if their thoughts are connected, because Maddy and Cassie both begin to giggle concurrently. Their giggles soon turning into full on laughter as they realized they had probably been in here for awhile. 

Cassie hops up, and offers her hand for Maddy to take. Maddy stares for a second, before smiling softly and accepting her hand. The touch sets Maddy on fire, but she’s grown too accustomed to the feeling to pull away. They walk out of the closet hand in hand, and Cassie doesn’t notice the mark on her neck but Kat clearly does because she laughs as she mutters something about “the irony”.

The girls take a seat next to each other, and they finish the game without either of them having to go back into that closet with somebody else. The rest of the night consists of them getting drunk, and the kiss should change everything, Maddy’s sure it should... but it doesn’t. Cassie’s still laughing with her, and talking to her, and cuddling with her. They’re still the same, yet the congruence in the atmosphere does not go unnoticed by the Latina.

And as they go to sleep that night, on Kat’s bedroom floor, cuddled up with each other, Maddy lays awake, wondering if Cassie notices.

A/n: (this isn’t edited lmfao soo sorry if it’s bad)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk if this was good lol


End file.
